Caution – a tale of self harm
“You might imagine that a person would resort to self-mutilation only under extremes of duress, but once I’d crossed that line the first time, taken that fateful step off the precipice, then almost any reason was a good enough reason, almost any provocation was provocation enough. Cutting was my all-purpose solution” –Caroline Kettlewell, Skin Game
Please scroll on if you dislike scabs……
You see, I’m learning to love myself better, but it’s a long road….
As some of you know I hurt myself – I tend to do this on areas that are not shown ie my back and bum…..I have in the past used scissors to poke or scratch my back, I’ll gauge my skin with my nails….and when it’s starting to heal I like to pick the scabs ….the pain from that is cathartic…..it’s a release, a relief…. even if it bleeds….so those that know, know I’m shy of getting naked, showing my body and ‘go to’ areas are the reason.
I look at the scars….the discoloured areas of skin on my back – (I won’t wear strappy tops, only on holiday where nobody knows me and in the safe confines of my garden)…I’m disgusted with the mess of my skin…but even that doesn’t stop me.
I’ve often thought about strategies to help – hypnosis, counselling etc….but I’m scared of what the reason will be. I’ve eradicated so many demons through CBT and 4 years of counselling- i don’t want to go back there again atm….counselling has made me stronger but it was a long process. Perhaps after lockdown I’ll look into therapy to help me with this particular situation *who knows*.
Please seek help if you suffer too, help is out there xx
Love Sparkles ✨