Finding me

As I write this, I have a feeling of deja vous ….I thought I had found myself nearly 5 years ago, but here I am….gathering my thoughts and asking myself the big question again ‘what do I want in life?’…back then I had learnt to love myself again after so many years of being in a sexual labyrinth, I was totally lost, but I was found. For this I thank with all my heart…. a man, who I will refer to as C – he showed me how to love myself again – I totally love him and will always love him for that. 

Fast forward to now I’m on the brink of something new, but am I ? I don’t know- I’ve been burned before giving too much of myself too quickly….now I’m tentatively giving someone else the chance to teach me how to love my body again…..my downfall I’m over cautious and think too much- but that’s a good thing too….trust me.

We’ve been discussing boundaries, likes and dislike and so far so good. But……..

When it comes to me I’m scared- scared of what he or others will think of my body….now I am plus size and fiercely proud of it, but there’s a little nagging doubt telling me, no shouting at me “you’re fat and ugly” or I’m being asked out for a bet…, I don’t think that fear will ever leave me….but it’s getting smaller.

Getting back to what I want…I’m fed up of being too cautious too scared to fulfill my dreams….so if you’re reading this……

🎶A little less conversation, a little more action, please

All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me

A little more bite and a little less bark

A little less fight and a little more spark

Close your mouth and open up your heart and, baby, satisfy me

Satisfy me, baby🎵

Sparkles ✨ 

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